Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Tears


I am coming on 12 weeks since my mom has been gone..
Some days I feel ok..others, others I just don't want to get out of bed.
There are just feelings you never know exist until you are faced with them.
Grief.. grief is horrible....
Everytime I think of my mom, and realize she is gone, I get this panic feeling in my chest,
the feeling of losing something significant,
the feeling that nothing will ever be the same,
the loss of security,
the feeling that it will most likely be a very long time until you see this person again.
The feeling of sadness is so overwhelming sometimes.
It is truly my kids that keep me going. I have no choice but to get out of bed, take care of my kids, try to be there for them emotionally, physically and spiritually.
All the while I am trying to take care of myself too... I am trying to accept the fact that someone intertwined with my daily life is gone..
Mom is a person that makes you feel secure, special, loved, wanted, treasured, see's your full potential...
I am really, really trying to feel better.
For my kids, for my husband, but mostly for me.
I am trying to focus on the my memories, the things my mom taught me,
the knowledge that I will see her again.

6 comments:

Sweet Tea said...

Hi.
I just happened upon your Blog. It is the 2nd blog I've read this evening that said almost the same thing about missing their Mom. I am touched as I read back through your posts. I love the new song, "If Heaven wasn't so Far Away". I know you will find a "new normal" and the memories of your Mom will grow sweet, rather than painful. ((HUGS)) I'm glad you have a lovely, supportive family...Your new friend from Louisiana.

tracy said...

I couldn't agree more. Grief is horrible.

I was touched by your posts; the love between you and your mother and your family comes through strong. I lost my mom 19 months ago. It still hurts, but some days are better than others, and the better days are becoming more frequent. The one thing I learned is that the only way through it, is through it, and it can't be rushed. It may not seem like it now, but you will get through it. And as Sweet Tea said, you'll find a "new normal". More hugs coming your way.

Neesie said...

To hear your grief really touched me....I've been trying to cope with the loss of my own mum, for the last year. I can't seem to come to terms with her not being there. It gets no easier. I often think about ringing her, or she'll pop into my head during the day. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to her bedside to say goodbye. I'm living in Australia and was flying home, but she passed away and I missed her by only nine hours.
Although, we were apart over the last few years we would be constantly in touch. I still can't bring myself to take her details out of my phone etc. The only concellation I feel is that she is now finally with my Dad. He passed away when he was only 47 years old and she's missed him so much. With feeling so much grief it
shows how much we loved and were loved.
You have a strong wonderful family to support you, as do I. Just keep smiling :)

LostButWillBeFound said...

i hope you feel better and think about the positive even though its hard ... i dont really believe in god but people say he takes the good people away from here so they can be angels . you should think about how she is probably in a better place right now, but she will all ways be on your side , and if not then in your heart forever. i think that the more time you spend with your family , the more you'll feel happier and feel your mom next to you too ...
i hope i made you feel better (:
have an amazing day

Darlene said...

I was going thur blogs and saw yours.
And I want to say I understand your pain about your mom. My mom will be gone 3 yrs 01/02/2012 which will also be my 36th birthday.
I know its seems bad now and I am sure you dont believe me. But it does get better and your kids and husband with give your the strength. Just keep her with you in your heart and your memories.

I hope it gets better for you.
God Bless you and your family...

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